If I Adore You

If I adore You out of fear of Hell, burn me in Hell!

If I adore You out of desire for Paradise,

Lock me out of Paradise.

But if I adore You for Yourself alone,

Do not deny to me Your eternal beauty.

 

- Rabia al Basri; Translated by Charles Upton

 

Peace be upon you. This is the very first Sufi poem that I've read, and I chanced upon it while I was reading John Green's Looking for Alaska earlier this year (or was it late last year?). 

 

"Islam and Christianity promise eternal paradise to the faithful. And that is a powerful opiate, certainly, the hope of a better life to come. But there's a Sufi story that challenges the notion that people believe only because they need an opiate. Rabe'a al-Adiwiyah, a great woman saint of Sufism, was seen running through the streets of her hometown, Basra, carrying a torch in one hand and a bucket of water in the other. When someone asked her what she was doing, she answered, 'I am going to take this bucket of water and pour it on the flames of hell, and then I am going to use this torch to burn down the gates of paradise so that people will not love God for want of heaven or fear of hell, but because He is God."

 

-John Green; Looking for Alaska

 

Having spent a good part of my life with the belief that religion/(s) is/are the opiate of the weak and deluded masses, I felt utterly and completely challenged when I read this story. I never had any desire for heaven or hell, as I was certain that these two places do not exist. Besides, Holy Books and what not just read like far-fetched fairy tales, like Aesop's Fables.

Surely and always, Logic loses to Faith. Terror overtakes Peace. Fear overwhelms Love. Don't they always?

Then I read Rabia's poem.
Dynamics changed.
An atheist becomes agnostic-atheist. Can I then bring on the Pascal's Wager?
But I had no chance to consciously flip the coin.
I was enchanted and enthralled by religion and philosophy.
No cherubic angels in chorus when I walked into it -- no Buddha, Jesus or Muhammad to greet me and give me a friendly bro-fist, no imagery of Krishna or Heavenly Emperor...I who am as free-spirited as a bird, who cannot be humbled by an imaginary Dude above us in the stratosphere, why then do I submit?

Am I disregarding Science, Logic, Rationalism...especially Science, have I traded You for Signs? Am I also endorsing the terror and bloodshed people have done in the name of God(s)/Religion(s)?

Could it be...

 

WILFUL IGNORANCE, PERHAPS?

 

 

No, no, no. 

I submit because I love. There are reasons I cannot articulate. Even if you might laugh at me the way I had laughed at them, I just...love. My basis for believing is Love. I had thought that I have experienced deep love for my family and friends, but this Love is different. It is something so huge and great that it adds texture and even more depth to my already existing huge love for the people surrounding me. I am increasingly fascinated by creatures and also Science. I want to love even those that have damaged me or had increased the sorrow in my heart. I would die for it if necessary, but thank God, I will never have to kill to protect it. I am allowed to question it and be lost in it. Paz, paix, peace.

What absurd, ridiculous, enjoyable, peaceful Love.